The Mezzanine (deird1) wrote,
The Mezzanine
deird1

Application

Here's a rather silly ficlet written for the "preschool" prompt at still_grrr.


It's rated PG-13 - entirely based on Faith's language. :)



Monthly Administration and Funding Committee


Submission Title: Preschool for Children of Slayers

Submission Topic: making a preschool for children of Slayers


Background (give information pertaining to the topic) :

- Buffy and I need childcare
- lots of other Slayers need childcare too
- we should all be getting a Council-funded childcare service together, so we need money
- you should approve our funding and get people to run the childcare place


Description (extrapolate on the information given) :

What? How am I supposed to? I just told you the whole thing.

- childcare, for kids
- because we have kids
- preschool costs money
- give us money


Funding Request (how much money is required?) :

No fucking idea. Do your own math.
LOTS.


Breakdown of Funding (by category) :

Giles, I am not an accountant.

Categories:
- lots of kids
--- my 2 kids
--- Buffy’s kid
--- other Slayers’ kids
--- shit, just calculate for heaps of kids, and we’ll keep having them until the preschool gets full


Chosen Title of the Endeavour (what would it be called if this was a quest being run in Middle-Earth?) :

Huh?


Justifications (why is this project going to go more smoothly than the Jetpack Extravaganza Slay Patrols or the Kevlar Spandex Combino Costumes?) :

Andrew fills out a lot of these forms, doesn’t he?


Further Justifications (why is this project more important than training programs and the pension system?) :

Because B and I are the Head Slayers, and if we don’t find a preschool that can deal with our kids, there will be no training because we’ll go nuts.

Seriously, I cannot sing the Puppy Song one more fucking time.


Arguments in Favour (convince the committee why this project should be approved) :

- regular people are dumb
- so are regular kids
- when Katie picks up a plastic knife and runs around yelling, they keep saying she has violent tendencies
- apparently stories about blood drinking monsters give preschoolers nightmares
- so do stories about witches
- but stories about burning witches in their own ovens are totally okay, so Matthew bursting into tears and running outside means that he has emotional problems
- Jenni keeps insisting that her dad is a vampire and could beat the other kids up, so she’s apparently antisocial and a compulsive liar
- regular people really are FUCKING DUMB
- we have now been through every preschool in the area
- unless you want to relocate Slayage HQ to another district, we need a new solution


Recommendations (what do you want the committee to do?) :

Give us a preschool run by people who actually know about Slayers.

Otherwise Buffy and me are going on strike.


Giles, this is a fucking stupid form.



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